Ever since I've adopted Harley, my new dog, I've been fascinated with the daily noises of having a dog around in the apartment. Her howling is an interesting sound. She snores in her sleep. It's quite low, and I'm surprised that I can hear it. Her barking while asleep is so cute, it makes me wonder why she is barking. Is she meeting a new friend in her sleep? Is she remembering her parents? Her coughing sounded pretty bad, but I realized that wasn't a bad cough. That was her clearing her throat. It's just..astounding. Being able to hear her lick her water while she drinks it, makes me feel content because she's staying hydrated. Her walking around on the hard floor of the kitchen, the claws clicking on the floor. I haven't heard her cry while I've been gone outside the door yet. I think that would be too heartbreaking if I could hear it.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Goals
My goals so far -
Use my cochlear implant more now that the weather is cooling down.
Listen to more music and discover what's different about each song. Are any of them worse or better?
Go back to HEI and do a follow-up.. Meaning I need to make an appointment. I've been lagging because of school being in the way.
Try and figure out if I can understand my teachers this semester. I wonder how they sound.
That's it so far. :)
Use my cochlear implant more now that the weather is cooling down.
Listen to more music and discover what's different about each song. Are any of them worse or better?
Go back to HEI and do a follow-up.. Meaning I need to make an appointment. I've been lagging because of school being in the way.
Try and figure out if I can understand my teachers this semester. I wonder how they sound.
That's it so far. :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Sometimes I wonder...
Sometimes I wonder if some deaf people will change their perspectives on cochlear implants.
Today, I was sitting in class and it's obvious that my Deaf teacher is completely against cochlear implants. I have to explain something - there are two signs for "cochlear implant" - I would gloss that but I can't find the place where I can make the font smaller. Anyway, two signs, right? One is neutral where you make the "U" handshape and put it on the side of the head where the cochlear implant would be behind the ear. It's hard to explain HOW to sign but the idea is that it's the "U" handshape. However, there is also a negative sign for "cochlear implant" - same movement, same orientation, same location, but two parameters are different - the facial markers and the handshape. For the handshape, it's "V" bent. If you sign it that way, it means the Deaf say that the cochlear implant was forced onto the child or adult or whoever that got the implant. Needless to say, my teacher used the negative sign for "cochlear implant". He has no idea I have one. I'm too scared right now to mention that I have one because I know how strong his opinion is about the cochlear implant - plus it's still a new class. It's too early to talk about this issue. However, he made it clear that he doesn't like them, right? So he implied that cochlear implants are not a good idea for anyone, nor should anyone get one because it's good to be deaf. That it's a medical method to "fix" deafness. That the person who has a cochlear implant will never learn sign language. He had this discussion where at one school, either in the past or still on-going, they have one class where it's kids with cochlear implants, no signing, and across campus, there's another class where there's deaf kids who sign, all the time. I felt a little offended because it means that people who have cochlear implants *think* they're not deaf, they don't sign, they'll never be in the Deaf community nor are they interested in the Deaf community, and so on.
I realize that that's a common thought for an older Deaf person, but the world is changing. We all have to accept changes. People do change for a lot of reasons.
Not sure what my point was exactly, but all I know is, I'm proud to prove him wrong when the time is right....
Today, I was sitting in class and it's obvious that my Deaf teacher is completely against cochlear implants. I have to explain something - there are two signs for "cochlear implant" - I would gloss that but I can't find the place where I can make the font smaller. Anyway, two signs, right? One is neutral where you make the "U" handshape and put it on the side of the head where the cochlear implant would be behind the ear. It's hard to explain HOW to sign but the idea is that it's the "U" handshape. However, there is also a negative sign for "cochlear implant" - same movement, same orientation, same location, but two parameters are different - the facial markers and the handshape. For the handshape, it's "V" bent. If you sign it that way, it means the Deaf say that the cochlear implant was forced onto the child or adult or whoever that got the implant. Needless to say, my teacher used the negative sign for "cochlear implant". He has no idea I have one. I'm too scared right now to mention that I have one because I know how strong his opinion is about the cochlear implant - plus it's still a new class. It's too early to talk about this issue. However, he made it clear that he doesn't like them, right? So he implied that cochlear implants are not a good idea for anyone, nor should anyone get one because it's good to be deaf. That it's a medical method to "fix" deafness. That the person who has a cochlear implant will never learn sign language. He had this discussion where at one school, either in the past or still on-going, they have one class where it's kids with cochlear implants, no signing, and across campus, there's another class where there's deaf kids who sign, all the time. I felt a little offended because it means that people who have cochlear implants *think* they're not deaf, they don't sign, they'll never be in the Deaf community nor are they interested in the Deaf community, and so on.
I realize that that's a common thought for an older Deaf person, but the world is changing. We all have to accept changes. People do change for a lot of reasons.
Not sure what my point was exactly, but all I know is, I'm proud to prove him wrong when the time is right....
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
It's been a while...
Hi everyone,
I realize it's been a long time since I've posted. While I'm still excited that the surgery was successful, it's unfortunate for me to announce that I still don't use my cochlear implant that often. It's hard when I find myself among the deaf community. I don't need to use it all the time. Especially since the valley is very hot right now, I can't bear the sweat behind my ear because of the thing having to hang from it.
However, I love my cochlear implant still. I love to be able to hear my boyfriend talk to me. I love to listen to music. I love being able to talk with my parents on the phone. I even was able to talk with my grandpa one time. It amazes me how I realize how much I missed out on hearing stuff. Since I moved in with my boyfriend, and I put on the cochlear implant, I was amazed that I was able to hear the clock ticking. It sounded so loud. And I realized that some fans are loud too. Gee, I wonder how hearing people got used to that noise because it sure bothers me!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Checking in
I don't know how many people are still reading this blog, but I wanted to let you all know that this blog will be quiet until the end of the month, when I go in for another appointment for mapping. Hope it goes well. For now, I'm focusing on finals for next week and moving into a place for the summer time.
Wish me luck!
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
A visit home
So I went home Monday night for a quick break from school before finals hit.
Things did sound different at home. Mom's voice was a little different. David's still the same. Evan, I have no idea because he didn't speak... haha. My mom's dog, Karma, annoys me with her bark. I didn't realize it sounded like a squeal mixed with a bark. It was ...unexpected.
Talking with Dad and Susie was the same deal - I understood Dad and most of what Susie said. Thought she said "burrito" but she said "hamburger". Weird. And Michael's voice was definitely different - he's my younger step-brother. His voice sounded like he babbles as he talks. I know that's just a kid's voice, but see, that's how hard it is to understand kids.
The waterproof processor is in progress. I really want it so my mom and I are trying to figure out how this will work out.
...That's all I can say for now. :-)
Things did sound different at home. Mom's voice was a little different. David's still the same. Evan, I have no idea because he didn't speak... haha. My mom's dog, Karma, annoys me with her bark. I didn't realize it sounded like a squeal mixed with a bark. It was ...unexpected.
Talking with Dad and Susie was the same deal - I understood Dad and most of what Susie said. Thought she said "burrito" but she said "hamburger". Weird. And Michael's voice was definitely different - he's my younger step-brother. His voice sounded like he babbles as he talks. I know that's just a kid's voice, but see, that's how hard it is to understand kids.
The waterproof processor is in progress. I really want it so my mom and I are trying to figure out how this will work out.
...That's all I can say for now. :-)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
What to say?
So basically, I'm at a loss here. I have no idea what I could update about now. All I know is that I'm definitely picking up on words I hear from my teacher. I get annoyed when people chatter loud or when a girl talks about something she thinks is funny and her voice squeals while she says it... ummm. Haha. Sorry guys but I have no idea what else to post about.
All I know is I'm more focused on my upcoming few weeks because I have three weeks left of school and then finals week. I'm prepping for a test as well for my credential program application....
I know I'm really excited to have my implant back on because now it makes for easier conversation with classmates when needed. And makes for easier one on one conversations with my teachers... I still enjoy listening to music. I'm learning to ignore background noises, but I'm still so curious about them that my boyfriend tells me I just have to ignore them and not ask about what it is. Like one time, I was sitting on the couch and I could hear my boyfriend's roommate putting his hand in the bag of chips, which makes this crinkly noise.. I don't remember what I thought it sounded like, but it made me look and my boyfriend told me to ignore it. Hmph. :-)
I'm learning.... this is all a learning process with my implant, education... life.. Life is a learning process...
All I know is I'm more focused on my upcoming few weeks because I have three weeks left of school and then finals week. I'm prepping for a test as well for my credential program application....
I know I'm really excited to have my implant back on because now it makes for easier conversation with classmates when needed. And makes for easier one on one conversations with my teachers... I still enjoy listening to music. I'm learning to ignore background noises, but I'm still so curious about them that my boyfriend tells me I just have to ignore them and not ask about what it is. Like one time, I was sitting on the couch and I could hear my boyfriend's roommate putting his hand in the bag of chips, which makes this crinkly noise.. I don't remember what I thought it sounded like, but it made me look and my boyfriend told me to ignore it. Hmph. :-)
I'm learning.... this is all a learning process with my implant, education... life.. Life is a learning process...
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Three Days Worth
Hello everyone!
Been three days since my last post.
Thursday was my long day - had three classes all afternoon/evening. Tested out my cochlear implant from 12:30 to around 9:30. Needed a break by the time it hit 9:30. I'll explain why :-) It was weird to hear the male teacher's voice because as I've said before, I had lost all the high-pitched sounds so now when I hear males' voices, I can hear some high pitches. I've noticed my teacher says "umm" a lot and it's not annoying, but it's definitely something worth noting. I had a break from 2:45 to 4 because my teacher wasn't feeling so well. So I hung out with my boyfriend before class - we tend to meet up during my break. We were at Sierra Center - which is known for food and studying. The second floor can have a lot of group meetings for studying and unfortunately, I was there when there was a group of females with one or two males. They laughed and talked too loud for my taste. Or perhaps, it was because I'm so aware of everything, it is loud to me, but not others.
I decided to go to the deaf awards and scholarships ceremony where I was presented an award for "Outstanding Tutorial Service". I could hear the voice interpreters speaking for whoever was signing. The female voice interpreter was very clear, but I couldn't quite understand the male. Anywho, went to my class that's from 4 - 6:45. That's the teacher that talks really fast. And I figured out this - when I'm in an one-on-one meeting with her, I can lip-read and understand her voice quite well, but when she lectures to a classroom full of students, nope. Not so clear. Not impossible, but near impossible.
Friday - I went to Best Buy with my boyfriend. He said my name once and at a good sound level - I turned my head right away. He said that before my revision surgery, he would have had to say my name a few times before I caught it. I'm pretty proud of that.
Now, here's a mixture of Friday and Saturday because of one reason. Phone calls! I called my mom up on Friday and I was able to successfully chat with her on the phone. 95% of the time, I understood what she was saying!! Yay!! Today, Saturday, my dad called me up. I was confused about why he was calling me, but then he explained he wanted to see if I could understand him on the phone and wanted an update. Well, needless to say, I understood him pretty well too! I would say 95% as well. I'm so happy! This is really working out well for me. And I know that if I repeat what they say to me, to make sure I understand, is the best thing I could do right now so I don't misunderstand where the conversation is going. Pretty cool.
I'm taking another break from having my cochlear implant on because I got too annoyed with the car noises and birds chirping outside... Hehe. Who knew I'd be annoyed by those so easily? I'll get used to that eventually :-)
Been three days since my last post.
Thursday was my long day - had three classes all afternoon/evening. Tested out my cochlear implant from 12:30 to around 9:30. Needed a break by the time it hit 9:30. I'll explain why :-) It was weird to hear the male teacher's voice because as I've said before, I had lost all the high-pitched sounds so now when I hear males' voices, I can hear some high pitches. I've noticed my teacher says "umm" a lot and it's not annoying, but it's definitely something worth noting. I had a break from 2:45 to 4 because my teacher wasn't feeling so well. So I hung out with my boyfriend before class - we tend to meet up during my break. We were at Sierra Center - which is known for food and studying. The second floor can have a lot of group meetings for studying and unfortunately, I was there when there was a group of females with one or two males. They laughed and talked too loud for my taste. Or perhaps, it was because I'm so aware of everything, it is loud to me, but not others.
I decided to go to the deaf awards and scholarships ceremony where I was presented an award for "Outstanding Tutorial Service". I could hear the voice interpreters speaking for whoever was signing. The female voice interpreter was very clear, but I couldn't quite understand the male. Anywho, went to my class that's from 4 - 6:45. That's the teacher that talks really fast. And I figured out this - when I'm in an one-on-one meeting with her, I can lip-read and understand her voice quite well, but when she lectures to a classroom full of students, nope. Not so clear. Not impossible, but near impossible.
Friday - I went to Best Buy with my boyfriend. He said my name once and at a good sound level - I turned my head right away. He said that before my revision surgery, he would have had to say my name a few times before I caught it. I'm pretty proud of that.
Now, here's a mixture of Friday and Saturday because of one reason. Phone calls! I called my mom up on Friday and I was able to successfully chat with her on the phone. 95% of the time, I understood what she was saying!! Yay!! Today, Saturday, my dad called me up. I was confused about why he was calling me, but then he explained he wanted to see if I could understand him on the phone and wanted an update. Well, needless to say, I understood him pretty well too! I would say 95% as well. I'm so happy! This is really working out well for me. And I know that if I repeat what they say to me, to make sure I understand, is the best thing I could do right now so I don't misunderstand where the conversation is going. Pretty cool.
I'm taking another break from having my cochlear implant on because I got too annoyed with the car noises and birds chirping outside... Hehe. Who knew I'd be annoyed by those so easily? I'll get used to that eventually :-)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Music
So I realized why I love music so much - my mind has been playing tricks on me my whole life with music. I would memorize lyrics and know what the signers/bands are singing. It didn't matter how much I could hear - my mind just knew what they were saying. Kinda a bummer, but it's still fun to listen to music. :-)
I took a chance wearing my cochlear implant today. I bugged my colleague a few times during work. I didn't know the projector was so loud. He had to tell me that was making noise instead of my assumption that it was the computer. The computer tends to be softer. I tried to see if I could understand my teacher during class. I could at some point, but she moves her lips weird... Not an easy way to lip-read, and she pronounces words odd... But tomorrow, I'm wearing it again to see if I can understand my male teacher and then my female teacher who talks fast. Tomorrow shall be a challenge and I accept it! :-)
I took a chance wearing my cochlear implant today. I bugged my colleague a few times during work. I didn't know the projector was so loud. He had to tell me that was making noise instead of my assumption that it was the computer. The computer tends to be softer. I tried to see if I could understand my teacher during class. I could at some point, but she moves her lips weird... Not an easy way to lip-read, and she pronounces words odd... But tomorrow, I'm wearing it again to see if I can understand my male teacher and then my female teacher who talks fast. Tomorrow shall be a challenge and I accept it! :-)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Today was the day!!!!
TODAY WAS THE DAY IT WAS TURNED ON!!!!
Okay, obviously I'm very excited about this. I'll just say this - there are 16 electrodes for sure. And they all work! Yippee!! But the audiologist turned off the 16th electrode because it's pretty common among patients that they don't need it. I'll explain in other terms: the 16th electrode is the highest pitch it could hit, ever.
For those who asked, how is it possible that I get this mapping done within two weeks? I asked my audiologist and the answer was simple: It's because I had a revision surgery, not my first surgery. If it was my first surgery, they would have given me 4 to 6 weeks before turning on the implant. So... It's pretty exciting because with my former implant, I didn't have a huge range of what I could hear. What I could hear were low sounds, but high-pitched sounds were not possible.
Since I've had this turned on, I've heard a variety of high-pitched sounds such as my music, for one. Seriously, I missed my music so much, but when I turned it on in my car, what the heck was I listening to?! I couldn't recognize most of it at first because it takes a while for my brain to process the stimulation from the music. I was listening to Glee, so of course, a lot of the music has a lot of high-pitched sounds. I'm discovering that some male singers I have on my iPod can hit high notes while singing. Adam Levine, Edwin McCain, Dirty Vegas, Justin Timberlake, even Michael Jackson.
(From People.com)
It's a whole new world for me right now with this music. I can hear freezers running, the fan is less annoying in my bathroom, and the girls that I've talked with so far sound completely different because there's finally that distinction of high sounds in their voices. I've always known that when I start up the car, it does a dinging noise, but I never realized exactly how it sounded till now. Same with when I lock my car with the electronic remote...thing... My keys jingling together sound different too!
I just have to say - I am stoked and excited to discover more as the weeks go by.
Oh and odd thing. Apparently my company has this water proof cochlear implant as well. I have three different processors (meaning the one behind my ear and two more) and the audiologist said I can replace one of the two that I have in exchange for the waterproof one. I can swim...underwater...with this thing. I can shower with this thing. I can walk in the rain with this thing. It's astounding and shocking and weird.... I'm not sure if I want to get it but I'm so curious about it. We'll see what happens because if I want it, I have to get it as soon as possible.
Throughout the day, I had to get adjusted to sounds, like I mentioned before. One thing that is annoying - Japanese. How am I hearing this? My boyfriend's roommate watches this anime show and they speak Japanese... extremely annoying haha. I tried talking to my mom on the phone. Not bad for first try after turning the implant on. I was pretty excited :-)
Okay, obviously I'm very excited about this. I'll just say this - there are 16 electrodes for sure. And they all work! Yippee!! But the audiologist turned off the 16th electrode because it's pretty common among patients that they don't need it. I'll explain in other terms: the 16th electrode is the highest pitch it could hit, ever.
For those who asked, how is it possible that I get this mapping done within two weeks? I asked my audiologist and the answer was simple: It's because I had a revision surgery, not my first surgery. If it was my first surgery, they would have given me 4 to 6 weeks before turning on the implant. So... It's pretty exciting because with my former implant, I didn't have a huge range of what I could hear. What I could hear were low sounds, but high-pitched sounds were not possible.
Since I've had this turned on, I've heard a variety of high-pitched sounds such as my music, for one. Seriously, I missed my music so much, but when I turned it on in my car, what the heck was I listening to?! I couldn't recognize most of it at first because it takes a while for my brain to process the stimulation from the music. I was listening to Glee, so of course, a lot of the music has a lot of high-pitched sounds. I'm discovering that some male singers I have on my iPod can hit high notes while singing. Adam Levine, Edwin McCain, Dirty Vegas, Justin Timberlake, even Michael Jackson.
It's a whole new world for me right now with this music. I can hear freezers running, the fan is less annoying in my bathroom, and the girls that I've talked with so far sound completely different because there's finally that distinction of high sounds in their voices. I've always known that when I start up the car, it does a dinging noise, but I never realized exactly how it sounded till now. Same with when I lock my car with the electronic remote...thing... My keys jingling together sound different too!
I just have to say - I am stoked and excited to discover more as the weeks go by.
Oh and odd thing. Apparently my company has this water proof cochlear implant as well. I have three different processors (meaning the one behind my ear and two more) and the audiologist said I can replace one of the two that I have in exchange for the waterproof one. I can swim...underwater...with this thing. I can shower with this thing. I can walk in the rain with this thing. It's astounding and shocking and weird.... I'm not sure if I want to get it but I'm so curious about it. We'll see what happens because if I want it, I have to get it as soon as possible.
Throughout the day, I had to get adjusted to sounds, like I mentioned before. One thing that is annoying - Japanese. How am I hearing this? My boyfriend's roommate watches this anime show and they speak Japanese... extremely annoying haha. I tried talking to my mom on the phone. Not bad for first try after turning the implant on. I was pretty excited :-)
Friday, April 13, 2012
Communication
This is something that has been on my mind the past couple weeks. I've been thinking about how I communicate with some people and why does it succeed/fail.
With my family, there have been ups and downs in terms of communication. I've always been able to understand what my mom says to me. Same with my dad. That's one of the benefits of growing up with them for 21 years. As for my brother, it's the same concept. They're easy to lip-read. I recognize their voices. I can talk to my mom pretty easily on the phone. My dad and my brother - not so much because they have low voices. It didn't matter whether I had been growing up with them all my life - I still couldn't understand them on the phone. I noticed that it's easier for me to talk to females on the phone. Whenever it's my mom, my aunt, my two grandmas, my cousin from Indiana, and a few friends of mine, it was easy to carry on a conversation. But when I had to talk to someone on the phone that was a male, and developed their voices, it was not so easy. I always had to guess what they would say. Sometimes, that would be true in person as well.
When it comes to family gatherings, that always proved to be a challenge. Trying to catch the context of the conversation happening, why they were talking about it, and what they were saying about it. Trying to figure out who was saying what. Where the voice was coming from. Trying to lip-read from afar. Sometimes it would be dark outside or it would be shadows covering their lips. My younger cousins and step-brother are sometimes easy to understand. It depended, really. Whether they were really excited about something or sad, they tend to talk fast and with their lips moving fast, that definitely made it hard to understand. When they get excited, their voices go high and that is a challenge for sure. But just because they're hard to understand doesn't mean I don't want to play with them. I just miss out on the information they tell me to play games and stories. It's okay though, because they're family. And they will get older and easier to understand. I think that's why it's hard to understand kids sometimes - because they have random moments, they talk fast, have high voices, and they look around a lot because they have short attention spans. I know that's why I don't want to be a teacher for children. But I love children anyway. =)
Communication is tough. I know it was when I was in school. Having to catch up with what's happening in group discussions. I didn't like having to rely on people for what I missed. It happened too often. That's why I was happy when I met a few people who knew ASL in high school. I started hanging out with an older group who were all Deaf and hearing that knew ASL. My parents knew they could trust them, even though they were already in college and I was still in high school. It gave me a new perspective on how to understand things happening around me. Things were becoming clearer. That's why I chose to go to the college I'm attending now. There are more Deaf students and more Deaf Studies majors who I could communicate with easily by use of ASL. I'm even a teacher's aide for a deaf class with a deaf teacher. This gives me more of a hands-on experience for when I become a teacher of the Deaf later on. I'm learning different ways of communication through ASL. It isn't easy. It's the same idea of having to find different ways of communication though English when I was in elementary, middle, and high school.
Communication is very important to me. That's why I love having a phone. I can text a lot of people. I can use Facebook to keep in touch with those who went on a different path of life or to keep in touch with family that don't live near me. I love using Skype and Tango and Whatsapp to keep in touch with other deaf friends of mine. It doesn't matter to me where they're from, if they're from India or if they're from a town over from me. It makes for easier face-to-face communication using ASL instead of English.
I miss being able to talk on the phone with my mom. To be able to call her up randomly with a few questions, comments. Being able to call up a few random family members once in a while to see how they're doing.
(From Google - random images)
That's why I'm looking forward to this new cochlear implant. To see if it can give me a new perspective on how I can communicate with everyone. See if it helps me figure out a better way of communicating with family and friends. I'm hoping for the best. And I know it will be a huge improvement.
DISCLAIMER: These comics I just posted are not my creation. It was by Matt & Kay Daigle. It's their comics. And they are hilarious. "That Deaf Guy" Comics!
With my family, there have been ups and downs in terms of communication. I've always been able to understand what my mom says to me. Same with my dad. That's one of the benefits of growing up with them for 21 years. As for my brother, it's the same concept. They're easy to lip-read. I recognize their voices. I can talk to my mom pretty easily on the phone. My dad and my brother - not so much because they have low voices. It didn't matter whether I had been growing up with them all my life - I still couldn't understand them on the phone. I noticed that it's easier for me to talk to females on the phone. Whenever it's my mom, my aunt, my two grandmas, my cousin from Indiana, and a few friends of mine, it was easy to carry on a conversation. But when I had to talk to someone on the phone that was a male, and developed their voices, it was not so easy. I always had to guess what they would say. Sometimes, that would be true in person as well.
When it comes to family gatherings, that always proved to be a challenge. Trying to catch the context of the conversation happening, why they were talking about it, and what they were saying about it. Trying to figure out who was saying what. Where the voice was coming from. Trying to lip-read from afar. Sometimes it would be dark outside or it would be shadows covering their lips. My younger cousins and step-brother are sometimes easy to understand. It depended, really. Whether they were really excited about something or sad, they tend to talk fast and with their lips moving fast, that definitely made it hard to understand. When they get excited, their voices go high and that is a challenge for sure. But just because they're hard to understand doesn't mean I don't want to play with them. I just miss out on the information they tell me to play games and stories. It's okay though, because they're family. And they will get older and easier to understand. I think that's why it's hard to understand kids sometimes - because they have random moments, they talk fast, have high voices, and they look around a lot because they have short attention spans. I know that's why I don't want to be a teacher for children. But I love children anyway. =)
Communication is tough. I know it was when I was in school. Having to catch up with what's happening in group discussions. I didn't like having to rely on people for what I missed. It happened too often. That's why I was happy when I met a few people who knew ASL in high school. I started hanging out with an older group who were all Deaf and hearing that knew ASL. My parents knew they could trust them, even though they were already in college and I was still in high school. It gave me a new perspective on how to understand things happening around me. Things were becoming clearer. That's why I chose to go to the college I'm attending now. There are more Deaf students and more Deaf Studies majors who I could communicate with easily by use of ASL. I'm even a teacher's aide for a deaf class with a deaf teacher. This gives me more of a hands-on experience for when I become a teacher of the Deaf later on. I'm learning different ways of communication through ASL. It isn't easy. It's the same idea of having to find different ways of communication though English when I was in elementary, middle, and high school.
Communication is very important to me. That's why I love having a phone. I can text a lot of people. I can use Facebook to keep in touch with those who went on a different path of life or to keep in touch with family that don't live near me. I love using Skype and Tango and Whatsapp to keep in touch with other deaf friends of mine. It doesn't matter to me where they're from, if they're from India or if they're from a town over from me. It makes for easier face-to-face communication using ASL instead of English.
I miss being able to talk on the phone with my mom. To be able to call her up randomly with a few questions, comments. Being able to call up a few random family members once in a while to see how they're doing.
That's why I'm looking forward to this new cochlear implant. To see if it can give me a new perspective on how I can communicate with everyone. See if it helps me figure out a better way of communicating with family and friends. I'm hoping for the best. And I know it will be a huge improvement.
DISCLAIMER: These comics I just posted are not my creation. It was by Matt & Kay Daigle. It's their comics. And they are hilarious. "That Deaf Guy" Comics!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Recovery process
The day of surgery (April 3rd), I mentioned I went back home with a bandage on my head, sleepy. All day and night of Tuesday, I was in pain. Good thing I was still sleepy. Wouldn't have handled the pain otherwise. Wednesday, I had to take Tylenol to relieve pain. Dad came over to cut the bandage off. It was awful because my hair was a mess... They had put my hair in weird places in order to put the bandage on my head. They shaved the area where they were supposed to work on. Now I look like one of the people who shaved that area to look cool - you know that fad?
(I don't take credit for this picture - I'm sure this was a professional model picture)
Thursday, it seemed that I had no pain so I only took medicine for when I went to sleep. Recovery process wasn't too bad - all I did was sit on the couch and watch TV all day and night. I barely did anything - I should have done my homework, but I didn't want to :-) Sunday, which was Easter, my dad took the tape off and the stitches were dissolved already. It's looking good - no problems so far. I just hope I don't get another infection - seems like I am risk because I had two before.
Being at school is a different thing. i had to go back the Monday after Easter. I felt exhausted at the end of the day - class, going to the bank, food shopping. That was more tiring than I expected. Tuesday (yesterday) was even worse. I had to sit at work for an hour and then I had a two hour break until class. There wasn't much for me to do. I was tired already and I hadn't done much. I finally went to two classes and I felt like I was already done for the day. I wanted to go to sleep and be able to sleep all night long. Instead, I went to my boyfriend's apartment so I could study for the midterm. I studied for a bit, but I found myself dozing off so I went to take a nap for about an hour. When I woke up, I still didn't feel refreshed enough, so I sat there, watching TV until I was ready to drive back to my apartment. When I got home, it was straight to bed and I passed out fast.
(Cartoon from google images)
Not so easy sleeping, by the way. I have to stay on the right side of my head, just like this guy in the picture! I'm so stiff from staying on that side. Haha, but I can't wait until I can sleep on the left side of my head. My body will feel so much better after :-)
Today, Wednesday, wasn't too bad. I'm still tired, but it seems like my body is starting to realize that I'm doing the best I can without interfering with the recovery. Right now, the area where the incision was made is still swollen - it will be a while before it gets smaller, but as long as it doesn't get bigger or tender, then I should be okay. All I'm doing is waiting for my appointment for mapping, then I can get more excited about this cochlear implant. It will be a huge change - there will be more sounds. Things will be more clear. Hopefully, talking with people I just met will be easier to do. And the best thing I look forward to is being able to talk to my family on the phone with ease.
That's all for now. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog so far!
Thursday, it seemed that I had no pain so I only took medicine for when I went to sleep. Recovery process wasn't too bad - all I did was sit on the couch and watch TV all day and night. I barely did anything - I should have done my homework, but I didn't want to :-) Sunday, which was Easter, my dad took the tape off and the stitches were dissolved already. It's looking good - no problems so far. I just hope I don't get another infection - seems like I am risk because I had two before.
Being at school is a different thing. i had to go back the Monday after Easter. I felt exhausted at the end of the day - class, going to the bank, food shopping. That was more tiring than I expected. Tuesday (yesterday) was even worse. I had to sit at work for an hour and then I had a two hour break until class. There wasn't much for me to do. I was tired already and I hadn't done much. I finally went to two classes and I felt like I was already done for the day. I wanted to go to sleep and be able to sleep all night long. Instead, I went to my boyfriend's apartment so I could study for the midterm. I studied for a bit, but I found myself dozing off so I went to take a nap for about an hour. When I woke up, I still didn't feel refreshed enough, so I sat there, watching TV until I was ready to drive back to my apartment. When I got home, it was straight to bed and I passed out fast.
Not so easy sleeping, by the way. I have to stay on the right side of my head, just like this guy in the picture! I'm so stiff from staying on that side. Haha, but I can't wait until I can sleep on the left side of my head. My body will feel so much better after :-)
Today, Wednesday, wasn't too bad. I'm still tired, but it seems like my body is starting to realize that I'm doing the best I can without interfering with the recovery. Right now, the area where the incision was made is still swollen - it will be a while before it gets smaller, but as long as it doesn't get bigger or tender, then I should be okay. All I'm doing is waiting for my appointment for mapping, then I can get more excited about this cochlear implant. It will be a huge change - there will be more sounds. Things will be more clear. Hopefully, talking with people I just met will be easier to do. And the best thing I look forward to is being able to talk to my family on the phone with ease.
That's all for now. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog so far!
The journey of the 3rd surgery
Here I am in the third year of college. I had just found out the company that makes my product was back on the market. I had to make a decision if I was ready to have another surgery or not. I took some time to think about it because I know that it's a hard decision for me to make. I didn't know if I wanted to go through surgery again. It made me nervous about the pain that I would have to suffer after. But in the end, I knew it would be worth it for me to go through surgery. It was for me to understand my family and future co-workers, bosses, etc. I wanted to be able to communicate. I don't like to rely on pen and paper a lot. It's not my style. Some people prefer pen and paper. I can't tolerate it because I'm not patient, I admit that.
We went through insurance, got them to approve of the surgery. Then we had to meet with the surgeon to see if he approved of the fact that I needed surgery to fix the problem. He said "yes, go ahead and have the surgery". The cochlear implant was labeled as "faulty". It had to be because of how little it was functioning. Next step was figuring out the best date to have the surgery. This was back in the fall semester. When we tried to schedule it for during spring break, they said that we had to wait until after January 1st. I guess because it was a new year and they needed to start a new calendar after that. We scheduled the surgery after my winter break was over. It was scheduled for April 3rd.
The next step was to figure out accommodations. We needed to figure out who needed to drive me there and back, where to sleep, and who would take care of me during the week. That wasn't too hard to figure out - my dad drove me to the clinic for the pre-op appointment and we stayed overnight at the guest center that was located on location of the hospital. My mom was to take care of me for the rest of the week.
The day of the pre-op appointment, my dad and I had shown up early. We had a lot of time to kill so we ate at Burger King.
We walked to the hospital from Burger King, figured out where the guest center was, and walked back to the clinic. We sat around for quite some time. It was pretty boring. We finally went in to see the surgeon, who took care of my first two surgeries, to see if I was ready for surgery the following morning. He pulled out earwax (ew) but said I was ready for surgery. He mentioned I had to show up to the hospital at 6 a.m. (early!) and the surgery was set for 7 a.m.
We walked back to the hospital to check in the housing area where we were going to spend the night. We struggled with the keys because we had no idea there was a small piece of paper with directions on how to open the door. There were three keys - one opened the front door, one allowed us to use the elevator, and one to the room. That was something we hadn't experienced. The room was an old hospital room so it was roomy and had enough space for both my dad and me to sleep. He slept on the couch because he figured it'd be better that I sleep in the bed - more sleep, the better. After checking in, we went to Santa Monica to see my brother and his girlfriend. We stopped at the pier.
After my dad and I visited the pier, we went to pick up my brother from his work. I loved his work because the environment was very chill and nice to be in. We went to a Mexican restaurant where I definitely practiced talking with them without my cochlear implant on. The restaurant was so loud, there was no point for met to have it on because I definitely could not hear the three of them. It was okay though because the food was delicious and they helped me with conversations. :-)
Dad and I went back to the hospital. Slept. Got up at 5:45, walked over to the check-in area. Got asked questions about my background. Had to change into the hospital gown and slipper socks - it was really cold! The nurse never showed up where I was waiting so when I showed up to the OR for surgery, the surgeon was mad that I didn't have my IV in yet and apparently, we were late. But the surgery went on, they gave me anesthesia, I knocked out pretty quick. It was around 2 hours. Dad told me the surgeon reported that all went well. Here is a link with all the information that involves the surgery - please don't try to read this if you get queasy or nervous with the thought of opening the skin behind the ear - there are some pictures on this website which can be graphic. Please do not look if you get sick at the sight of blood or the sight of something being cut open - http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/857242-overview
Once I got out, I dozed in and out all day. I was barely awake, and when I was, I could barely talk. My throat was dry from the anesthesia. I had a bandage on my left side of my head to prevent me from hitting it while it was still tender. Dad drove me back to my mom's house and I was definitely more awake once I got there.
So that's what happened with my surgery. Nothing to worry about! The next post will be about recovery - pretty short.
The background
Hello everyone,
I have decided to create a blog sharing about my experience with replacing my old cochlear implant with a new one. I want to share with you all because I have been asked by my brother, Steve, to share what it is like to hear everything again from a different level, if that's what we can call it.
However, before I start typing my blog narrating my experience, I would like to start off with my experience with my cochlear implant.
I was born with a questionable level of hearing. The reason why I say that is because we have no idea if I was born hearing, hard of hearing, or deaf. So my parents figured out that I was deaf by the time I was 18 months old. My mom typed up this entire blog about this process. You can find it here
My perspective of this experience is different. I learned at a young age, when I had hearing aids with two forms of communication, that I should be oral - that means communicating by voice and reading lips, relying on whatever sound I could receive. I knew my friends that I met in kindergarten at a wonderful elementary school wouldn't learn SEE for me. That was the form of sign language (but really, it isn't sign language at all. It's a method to help deaf students learn English in an efficient way) that I was using when I was diagnosed as deaf. My mom has mentioned in her blog that she observed I had chosen this method, and she is right. I just had a gut feeling, even as a young child, that they would not learn SEE. I went on through kindergarten with ease, but when I had reached the end of 1st grade, my hearing had dropped.
(From ucsfbenioffchildrens.org apparently)
My parents had a tough decision to make.
They struggled with the right fit for me. They didn't know what to do - they had to reach out to different support groups, all saying different things, and in the end, they decided to get me a cochlear implant. It was the best decision I thought they could make.
I'm biased, of course, because it was successful for me. Just because it was successful for me doesn't mean it will be successful for others. Keep that in mind, readers, that cochlear implants are not always the best decisions for deaf people out there. Sometimes, it's best to leave them deaf because it's who they are. If you believe they should get a cochlear implant. let them decide because it could change their life. Some could rebel and not want the cochlear implant. Some could want it but it isn't successful. Others just deal with it for the rest of their lives. For those that don't need a cochlear implant. they could have hearing aids, if it works for them. But being deaf isn't a bad thing. Being deaf is culture. It's a part of life. It doesn't mean deaf people are disabled. They are able to continue with life the way that hearing people can; they just can't hear.
I didn't have that perspective as I was growing up. I had no clue until I had arrived to a great university that had a huge deaf population. I was able to learn ASL in high school because I had met someone that I knew from preschool, but was unable to communicate with him. I had taken ASL classes at a community college while I was in high school. There's a book that is relied on most of the time, but must be there at all times in class because you can't learn everything from the book.
(From getglue.com)
When I arrived to the university, I was awkward, ignorant, and clueless to a lot of things. I improved my sign language and my social skills - I was able to learn more about different deaf individuals. They all had different backgrounds, which made for a rich and diverse deaf community.
Let's get back on track here - I got the cochlear implant July of 1998 - I was 7 1/2 years old. Having the cochlear implant worked out well, but then I got an infection that caused the incision to open up (I had no idea that it popped open. I thought it was just the infection that popped. Sorry to gross you all out). I had to have surgery the second time, probably summer of '99, because I was playing with one of my friends in my bedroom and I had hit my head against the canopy bed pole. Hitting my head had caused the metal that was placed for the cochlear implant to move out of place. When the metal moved out of place, I had gotten another infection that required for me to go into surgery. The surgery was necessary to move it back in place and clear up the infection. I had to have a shunt in my right arm for antibiotics every day after the surgery. I was already back at school for 3rd grade, I had to cover the shunt with one of my brother's old socks. We cut up the foot part of the sock and used the leg part, I guess you could call it that, to cover up the shunt because of my classmates. We definitely didn't want to freak them out with this weird thing in my arm.
Since the 2nd surgery, everything seemed to be working out well. I was communicating fine with my classmates. I had good friends - I even had my troublemaker year where I hurt a few girls during 4th grade. I was a normal girl growing up with a cochlear implant. Made it all the way to high school without realizing we had hit a problem with the cochlear implant. I had gone to House Ear Clinic because I noticed that I was hearing things normally, but they were muffled. I was wondering to myself why, so I had gone there to check up with my audiologist to ask why I was hearing muffled noises instead of clear voicing, sounds in the background, etc. She told me my t-mic part of the external part of the cochlear implant had gone bad. We switched out the t-mic with a new one, but then she noticed something wrong with the mapping part of my cochlear implant.
She told us (me and my mom) that half my electrodes were not working. They were not communicating with another - there were no signals from some of them. She did a few tests to get them to work, but they were dead. There are supposed to be 16 electrodes ( 8 pairs to communicate with each other ) but basically 5 or 6 electrodes were working at that time. I was shocked. My mom was shocked. Even my audiologist was shocked - she couldn't believe I was functioning just fine in the hearing world, communicating with all my friends and family, paying attention in class (sometimes. Students never pay full attention in classes). She assumed that the reason for my success for lasting this long without noticing a problem was based on my lip-reading skills. I have no idea if that's true - but it definitely applies to why I understand my family fine. I grew up with my family. Same applies for few of my friends - I knew a few of them since I was in kindergarten. I was picking up ways to understand them by lip-reading, without realizing it.
Unfortunately, Clarion (which is a part of Advanced Bionics) pulled themselves off the market so they could figure out the issues with their products that were causing facial nerve problems. It wasn't that there were too many patients that had the problem, but they were investigating a problem linked to people who had bacterial meningitis (which influenced their deafness) before the surgery. If they did have the meningitis, they were more likely to have facial nerve problems, which is what the company was trying to figure out. They wanted to solve the problem before they went back on the market. Don't take my word for this information though. This is what I've heard from a few people and a few resources - here's one http://www.asha.org/docs/html/TR2004-00041.html This report was typed up in 2003, so it might have been outdated and my information could be wrong. It's a possible conclusion as to why they had to withdraw the products off the market for research.
The audiologist decided to match up the remaining electrodes with each other, making it complicated, because they were not meant to be matched up together. But it's what had to happen in order for me to hear somewhat efficiently. It's not the best, but it was some sound I could retain for me to last through high school and college. I was devastated when I found out, but it did explain why I was missing out on a lot of information when I talked to friends of mine that I had just met in class for the first time or in groups. Naturally, groups are not the best environment for conversations because there's too many going at once and if I missed something, I missed it completely. There wasn't a lot of help around me because they weren't exposed to this kind of thing. They were still learning and I couldn't blame them for that - I shouldn't have to rely on them so much for hearing things - but the fact was that I just couldn't hear a lot of what was happening.
(From Advanced Bionics company)
Here is one of my old cochlear implants that I used from the first surgery all the way to 5th or 6th grade. It was pretty hard to wear for dancing, soccer, and trips out of school. It was pretty easy to have around school because I used to put it in a fanny pack or on a clip on my jeans.
When I entered college, it was a different world for me. No more struggles with communication. I only needed to learn more signs, but I picked up ASL easily as soon as I entered my deaf classes. I had two deaf classes in the fall semester of my freshman year and I have a lot of people in those classes to thank for my sign language skills. They helped me with my reception skills and my signing skills. I knew I needed improvement and they were patient with me. I refused to wear my cochlear implant here at the college because what was the point to wear it around fellow deaf classmates? What was the point if I knew I had interpreters? I was willing to voice for myself most of the time, but if I could have interpreters to help me understand what's happening in class, why bother using the cochlear implant? That was my method here at college. And honestly, it helped me out a lot. ASL could be limiting, but it didn't affect my grades at all. I've been doing fine here and I love it.
When I go home on weekends, drive on long drives somewhere, or for breaks, I do put my cochlear implant back on. It keeps me calm for when I'm with family and friends that don't know ASL. When I drive places, it keeps me calm because I can listen to music. Music is one of my favorite things and I don't know what I'd do without it. There were a few times here at the college that I wore my cochlear implant because I wanted to communicate with hearing classmates. I had reached the point of my education where I was no longer with other deaf students. I was finally in my classes that were focused on my major only. It's nice to be the only deaf student sometimes, but that meant group presentations were going to be difficult because there's a lot going on. However, my groups were always nice enough to make sure that I understood what was going on and I was able to get along with ease. I love all of my classmates so far and they're so sweet. They're understanding and they're willing to accommodate. I always thank them for helping me and I always put in ideas for the group, even if the ideas are not used later on. This is a team effort, not all about me, and I'm glad they have helped me realize that. I may have had that thought in mind that it was supposed to be about me and focused on how to communicate with me, but it is about working with each other to make the project successful.
The last tidbit of this background information: How did I decide to get the cochlear implant revision? It's pretty simple. I wanted easier communication with my family and friends. I had kept in mind about my future - how would I communicate with co-workers and people that I buy stuff from? I was raised in a world that I could be independent, asking and lip-reading while listening, and speaking up for myself. Understand that this is not against deaf, this is not saying deaf are lazy. This is not true at all. All individuals are different, deaf or hearing. We all have the same personalities. I think it sucks sometimes that deaf and hearing have different perspectives of these two worlds and how sometimes, it seems that they can't work together. I believe they can work together if they both make the effort. It's about compromises. It's about being there for each other. It's about understanding personalities and what is needed to make a great cohesion of the two worlds. But we all know this isn't a perfect world. I chose to replace the cochlear implant because it is a part of me. I accepted this as a part of me, and I know I can't choose to be completely deaf my whole life. Actually, I'm always going to be completely deaf. I AM completely deaf, but I choose to be able to hear to communicate and be myself. I want to listen to music. I want to hear babies cry, even though it's annoying. I want to hear dogs bark. I want to hear birds chirp. I want to hear everything, because I know that's what's around me, and I was able to hear this stuff before. And I want to hear everything again.
I realize that it might not work out. But I was willing to move on and do the next part of my life. I wanted to do this. No one influenced me to pick the cochlear implant - no pressure at all, only from my mind. This is my decision. It might not have been mine when my parents chose the cochlear implant for me, but I applaud them. I am proud of them that they were able to make such a difficult decision and have it be successful. It was a struggling experience for them and I'm happy that it worked out that this cochlear implant worked for me. Yes, there were negatives, but everyone has negatives in their lives.
That is my background information and I hope you understand some part of what I have experienced.
The next post will be about the process of surgery. The 3rd and more posts will be about my recovery process and how I am coping with the mapping process.
I hope you all are able to follow me along through this journey.
-Alicia
I have decided to create a blog sharing about my experience with replacing my old cochlear implant with a new one. I want to share with you all because I have been asked by my brother, Steve, to share what it is like to hear everything again from a different level, if that's what we can call it.
However, before I start typing my blog narrating my experience, I would like to start off with my experience with my cochlear implant.
I was born with a questionable level of hearing. The reason why I say that is because we have no idea if I was born hearing, hard of hearing, or deaf. So my parents figured out that I was deaf by the time I was 18 months old. My mom typed up this entire blog about this process. You can find it here
My perspective of this experience is different. I learned at a young age, when I had hearing aids with two forms of communication, that I should be oral - that means communicating by voice and reading lips, relying on whatever sound I could receive. I knew my friends that I met in kindergarten at a wonderful elementary school wouldn't learn SEE for me. That was the form of sign language (but really, it isn't sign language at all. It's a method to help deaf students learn English in an efficient way) that I was using when I was diagnosed as deaf. My mom has mentioned in her blog that she observed I had chosen this method, and she is right. I just had a gut feeling, even as a young child, that they would not learn SEE. I went on through kindergarten with ease, but when I had reached the end of 1st grade, my hearing had dropped.
My parents had a tough decision to make.
They struggled with the right fit for me. They didn't know what to do - they had to reach out to different support groups, all saying different things, and in the end, they decided to get me a cochlear implant. It was the best decision I thought they could make.
I'm biased, of course, because it was successful for me. Just because it was successful for me doesn't mean it will be successful for others. Keep that in mind, readers, that cochlear implants are not always the best decisions for deaf people out there. Sometimes, it's best to leave them deaf because it's who they are. If you believe they should get a cochlear implant. let them decide because it could change their life. Some could rebel and not want the cochlear implant. Some could want it but it isn't successful. Others just deal with it for the rest of their lives. For those that don't need a cochlear implant. they could have hearing aids, if it works for them. But being deaf isn't a bad thing. Being deaf is culture. It's a part of life. It doesn't mean deaf people are disabled. They are able to continue with life the way that hearing people can; they just can't hear.
I didn't have that perspective as I was growing up. I had no clue until I had arrived to a great university that had a huge deaf population. I was able to learn ASL in high school because I had met someone that I knew from preschool, but was unable to communicate with him. I had taken ASL classes at a community college while I was in high school. There's a book that is relied on most of the time, but must be there at all times in class because you can't learn everything from the book.
When I arrived to the university, I was awkward, ignorant, and clueless to a lot of things. I improved my sign language and my social skills - I was able to learn more about different deaf individuals. They all had different backgrounds, which made for a rich and diverse deaf community.
Let's get back on track here - I got the cochlear implant July of 1998 - I was 7 1/2 years old. Having the cochlear implant worked out well, but then I got an infection that caused the incision to open up (I had no idea that it popped open. I thought it was just the infection that popped. Sorry to gross you all out). I had to have surgery the second time, probably summer of '99, because I was playing with one of my friends in my bedroom and I had hit my head against the canopy bed pole. Hitting my head had caused the metal that was placed for the cochlear implant to move out of place. When the metal moved out of place, I had gotten another infection that required for me to go into surgery. The surgery was necessary to move it back in place and clear up the infection. I had to have a shunt in my right arm for antibiotics every day after the surgery. I was already back at school for 3rd grade, I had to cover the shunt with one of my brother's old socks. We cut up the foot part of the sock and used the leg part, I guess you could call it that, to cover up the shunt because of my classmates. We definitely didn't want to freak them out with this weird thing in my arm.
Since the 2nd surgery, everything seemed to be working out well. I was communicating fine with my classmates. I had good friends - I even had my troublemaker year where I hurt a few girls during 4th grade. I was a normal girl growing up with a cochlear implant. Made it all the way to high school without realizing we had hit a problem with the cochlear implant. I had gone to House Ear Clinic because I noticed that I was hearing things normally, but they were muffled. I was wondering to myself why, so I had gone there to check up with my audiologist to ask why I was hearing muffled noises instead of clear voicing, sounds in the background, etc. She told me my t-mic part of the external part of the cochlear implant had gone bad. We switched out the t-mic with a new one, but then she noticed something wrong with the mapping part of my cochlear implant.
She told us (me and my mom) that half my electrodes were not working. They were not communicating with another - there were no signals from some of them. She did a few tests to get them to work, but they were dead. There are supposed to be 16 electrodes ( 8 pairs to communicate with each other ) but basically 5 or 6 electrodes were working at that time. I was shocked. My mom was shocked. Even my audiologist was shocked - she couldn't believe I was functioning just fine in the hearing world, communicating with all my friends and family, paying attention in class (sometimes. Students never pay full attention in classes). She assumed that the reason for my success for lasting this long without noticing a problem was based on my lip-reading skills. I have no idea if that's true - but it definitely applies to why I understand my family fine. I grew up with my family. Same applies for few of my friends - I knew a few of them since I was in kindergarten. I was picking up ways to understand them by lip-reading, without realizing it.
Unfortunately, Clarion (which is a part of Advanced Bionics) pulled themselves off the market so they could figure out the issues with their products that were causing facial nerve problems. It wasn't that there were too many patients that had the problem, but they were investigating a problem linked to people who had bacterial meningitis (which influenced their deafness) before the surgery. If they did have the meningitis, they were more likely to have facial nerve problems, which is what the company was trying to figure out. They wanted to solve the problem before they went back on the market. Don't take my word for this information though. This is what I've heard from a few people and a few resources - here's one http://www.asha.org/docs/html/TR2004-00041.html This report was typed up in 2003, so it might have been outdated and my information could be wrong. It's a possible conclusion as to why they had to withdraw the products off the market for research.
The audiologist decided to match up the remaining electrodes with each other, making it complicated, because they were not meant to be matched up together. But it's what had to happen in order for me to hear somewhat efficiently. It's not the best, but it was some sound I could retain for me to last through high school and college. I was devastated when I found out, but it did explain why I was missing out on a lot of information when I talked to friends of mine that I had just met in class for the first time or in groups. Naturally, groups are not the best environment for conversations because there's too many going at once and if I missed something, I missed it completely. There wasn't a lot of help around me because they weren't exposed to this kind of thing. They were still learning and I couldn't blame them for that - I shouldn't have to rely on them so much for hearing things - but the fact was that I just couldn't hear a lot of what was happening.
Here is one of my old cochlear implants that I used from the first surgery all the way to 5th or 6th grade. It was pretty hard to wear for dancing, soccer, and trips out of school. It was pretty easy to have around school because I used to put it in a fanny pack or on a clip on my jeans.
When I entered college, it was a different world for me. No more struggles with communication. I only needed to learn more signs, but I picked up ASL easily as soon as I entered my deaf classes. I had two deaf classes in the fall semester of my freshman year and I have a lot of people in those classes to thank for my sign language skills. They helped me with my reception skills and my signing skills. I knew I needed improvement and they were patient with me. I refused to wear my cochlear implant here at the college because what was the point to wear it around fellow deaf classmates? What was the point if I knew I had interpreters? I was willing to voice for myself most of the time, but if I could have interpreters to help me understand what's happening in class, why bother using the cochlear implant? That was my method here at college. And honestly, it helped me out a lot. ASL could be limiting, but it didn't affect my grades at all. I've been doing fine here and I love it.
When I go home on weekends, drive on long drives somewhere, or for breaks, I do put my cochlear implant back on. It keeps me calm for when I'm with family and friends that don't know ASL. When I drive places, it keeps me calm because I can listen to music. Music is one of my favorite things and I don't know what I'd do without it. There were a few times here at the college that I wore my cochlear implant because I wanted to communicate with hearing classmates. I had reached the point of my education where I was no longer with other deaf students. I was finally in my classes that were focused on my major only. It's nice to be the only deaf student sometimes, but that meant group presentations were going to be difficult because there's a lot going on. However, my groups were always nice enough to make sure that I understood what was going on and I was able to get along with ease. I love all of my classmates so far and they're so sweet. They're understanding and they're willing to accommodate. I always thank them for helping me and I always put in ideas for the group, even if the ideas are not used later on. This is a team effort, not all about me, and I'm glad they have helped me realize that. I may have had that thought in mind that it was supposed to be about me and focused on how to communicate with me, but it is about working with each other to make the project successful.
The last tidbit of this background information: How did I decide to get the cochlear implant revision? It's pretty simple. I wanted easier communication with my family and friends. I had kept in mind about my future - how would I communicate with co-workers and people that I buy stuff from? I was raised in a world that I could be independent, asking and lip-reading while listening, and speaking up for myself. Understand that this is not against deaf, this is not saying deaf are lazy. This is not true at all. All individuals are different, deaf or hearing. We all have the same personalities. I think it sucks sometimes that deaf and hearing have different perspectives of these two worlds and how sometimes, it seems that they can't work together. I believe they can work together if they both make the effort. It's about compromises. It's about being there for each other. It's about understanding personalities and what is needed to make a great cohesion of the two worlds. But we all know this isn't a perfect world. I chose to replace the cochlear implant because it is a part of me. I accepted this as a part of me, and I know I can't choose to be completely deaf my whole life. Actually, I'm always going to be completely deaf. I AM completely deaf, but I choose to be able to hear to communicate and be myself. I want to listen to music. I want to hear babies cry, even though it's annoying. I want to hear dogs bark. I want to hear birds chirp. I want to hear everything, because I know that's what's around me, and I was able to hear this stuff before. And I want to hear everything again.
I realize that it might not work out. But I was willing to move on and do the next part of my life. I wanted to do this. No one influenced me to pick the cochlear implant - no pressure at all, only from my mind. This is my decision. It might not have been mine when my parents chose the cochlear implant for me, but I applaud them. I am proud of them that they were able to make such a difficult decision and have it be successful. It was a struggling experience for them and I'm happy that it worked out that this cochlear implant worked for me. Yes, there were negatives, but everyone has negatives in their lives.
That is my background information and I hope you understand some part of what I have experienced.
The next post will be about the process of surgery. The 3rd and more posts will be about my recovery process and how I am coping with the mapping process.
I hope you all are able to follow me along through this journey.
-Alicia
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)